They had gigantic placard signs with a BIG RED LETTERED LIST of people who are going to Hell forever (and I hate to be the One to tell you this, People, but I will probably see you there).
And they would spout off self righteous shit at everybody that was trying to enjoy themselves.
I was the only person that sought them out and I was also the same person, and the only one, that they tried to avoid.
Because I knew more about their bible than they did, and I could make them fucking go away fast. And I fucking loved arguing with them.
At first the crew of them would all attack me at once, and I would shoot them down one by one until only a persistent few remained.
These ones I would shut down with pieces of their own book.
Their biggest problem with me is I wouldn't debate the existence of God, like they were used to: My approach was: "OK. God is real and your book is true, now.."
I have been locked up a lot in My Life, and had nothing better to do than read.
And I did a lot of it.
I would point up at the Red-Lettered list of Hellbound sinners and point out this or that.
"Says up there People who drink alcohol? Jesus drank alcohol!"
"No, He didn't," one of the bible-beating trolls pipes in.
"They talk about Jesus drinking wine right there in the bible, creep!"
"No, when they say 'wine' in the bible they are talking about 'grape juice.'"
"Grape juice?! Grape juice? Really?"
"Yeah," Bible-Boy sez.
"Remember Noah? With the boat? He got so trashed drinking he was running around outside buck naked in broad daylight, ranting and raving! Grape juice did that to him?"
"Umm, well.. Jesus, though.."
"Matthew 11:18! Matthew 11:18!" I yell: "For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man comes eating and DRINKING and they say: 'Here is a glutton and a DRUNKARD and a friend of sinners..'"
So this guy does something I would describe as a cross between melting away and fading out of sight.
One down. Next.
"The Book of Revelations is real, Bill, all that stuff is happening now!" Is the next attack.
"Is it? How many four-headed Beasts have you seen lately? Or was that The Beatles?"
Completely missing the snipe I had taken at an actual theory held by some of his people, he comes back with: "Ain't no four-headed Beast in the Book of Revelations."
"Yes, there is."
"No, there ain't"
"Yes, there is."
"No, there ain't"
Finally one of his own buddies chimes in: "There is.. a four-headed Beast.. in the Book of Revelations."
Zing! There's another one gone!
"Sinners can't go to Heaven, Bill, God can't have sin in His Presence." is the next poser I am faced with.
"He can't? Why not? God is incapable of something all of a sudden? You just said: 'God CAN'T' didn't you? So I can have Epic Sinning in my house, but God can't be around it? Doesn't that make Me more powerful than God? Besides, it's been said: In the Eyes of the Lord, everybody is a sinner. Everybody sins"
"I never sin," he sez.
My voice raises to near screaming: "'LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!' That's what Jesus said. And nobody did! Luckily YOU weren't there, the story would have come out different."
There's another one out.
The only one I was really nice to was the cute little female Christian troll, but I would flirt with her openly and shamelessly while arguing with her.
And I did say to her: "Didn't you read who Jesus argued with all of his life? If he was here right now, he'd be doing what I am doing, not what you are doing."
Then I address the whole group, loudly: "What kind of 'Loving God' sends the bulk of his creations to eternal punishment for minor sins and mistakes committed in one short human lifetime? Why would you even want to 'spend eternity' hanging around with a guy like that? So if eternal punishment in Hell is real, that means God is either: Not 'All Loving' or he is Not 'All Powerful.' So which is it? Take your pick."
That didn't get an answer so I continued: "Your 'Loving God' that you people worship is an unspeakably malevolent beast.. A ravenous horror whose villainy is unsurpassed by any fictional character ever dreamed! If you people are right about the structure of the Universe then we are all in the hands of an indescribably evil, psychopathic monster, you know that?"
They hated me and they feared seeing me, and I alone could make them disappear. And when the crew did come out again I would sometimes see new faces, and I would also often see ''Regulars'' who no longer thronged with them.
..So hopefully I was making sense to somebody there.
..So when I was drinking up at my favorite bar, a nice Punk Rock establishment called Crazy Mama's, which was up the stairs on the second floor, and also has sadly since been torn down, there were some regular things that would happen all the time.
One of these regular things was: I'd be up drinking in Crazy Mama's, the obnoxious Christians would come out trolling and piss people off, and somebody would fling open the door and yell up the stairs:
